


In retrospect, you may have a point

by Charlotte_Cherry



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Humor, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-24 00:49:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17694416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlotte_Cherry/pseuds/Charlotte_Cherry
Summary: Odin makes it into Valhalla somehow and gets sent to a parenting class. He might see his children again someday and needs to be prepared.





	In retrospect, you may have a point

**Author's Note:**

> Not a serious fic.

He sat down onto the leather chair, not quite as becoming as the throne, but hel, at least he was allowed into Valhalla, even if it was on the condition that he attend parenting classes. He'd objected, due to the fact that none of his children are in Valhalla yet (Hela being back in hel, Loki having only a half chance of being allowed into Valhalla anyway and Thor doing his avenging and being the new king). Besides he'd been a wonderful parent and who was this woman to tell him any different.

"Odin Ex-Allfather, first of all, formally, how is it going?"

"Good. Good. It's rather pleasant having a break from my parental duties, but please let's get on with it. No point beating around the bush."

"In that case, why were you, if we start off lightly, such a monumental failure and absolute shit father?"

"Excuse me?"

"None out of three when it comes to well adjusted adults. None. That's quite an achievement."

"I blame the mothers."

"Who was Hela's mother?"

"How am I supposed to know. Got around a bit in those days."

"Tell me about Hela then."

"I wanted to give her the best chance in life, a good, stable start, so I gave her the nice, neutral, not at all predetermining name of Hela."

"Not joy? Or maybe.. Serenity?"

"Haha, ridiculous names."

"I see. And where did it go so wrong with her?"

"We were slaughtering people and conquering planets, you know, like you do, but then I drank some herbal tea and became more of a hippy or something. Kind of. Anyway she started acting up so I grounded her... In hel for eternity... But.. I warned her with no dessert first and did she listen to me? No."

"Okay but then you had another child, Thor."

"Yes Thor, my first born."

"What about Hela?"

"Oh yes, I forgot. Yes, he was such a wonderful lad, always breaking things and threatening genocide. Especially of the Jotun, the frost giants. Haha good times. And not at all going to backfire when my other son turns blue later on."

"Your other son, Loki?"

"Was that his name?"

"Yes."

"Hmm, well, I took him from enemy lands as a baby. Out of the goodness of my heart you see."

"The goodness of your heart?"

"Also for political reasons but mostly out of the goodness of my heart. Then I allowed racism against the Jotun's to thrive in Asgard, calling them monsters, and I thought, what could possibly go wrong here?"

"I see, and where did this unhealthy family dynamic originate beyond this?"

"Well..I told Thor that he would be king. And I told Loki that he would be king. I just didn't tell them of different thrones. I thought they didn't need to know. How was I supposed to know I'd set up a toxic dynamic there? Who could have ever known? Not even the Norns could have foreseen that. I'm truly a wonderful dad."

"And then this was all revealed."

"Yes, Leki.."

"You mean Loki?"

"Right, yes, he threw such a temper tantrum, attempted genocide, then suicide, which he survived somehow, I never really bothered to ask, and then tried to take over a planet. So looking back, it's clear he was not in the most positive of spaces, I see that now. But in my defense, he freaked me out a bit because he looked like Hela for no clear reason."

"And throughout all of this, there was no moment of clarity, no remorse or regret?"

"Well there you see, you are wrong. Hela returned, so I did what any good father would, I came clean. I told Thor and the other one about Hela's existence and the danger she would cause to them and the universe at large."

"Then what happened?"

"I thought about helping them but then that also sounded like a bit of a ballache. She could, from what I remember, be a bit of a handful Hela could be."

"So what did you do?"

"I floated off a cliffside in a glittery fashion. I sometimes feel a little remorse for that, but when you gotta die, you gotta die am I right?"

"And what would you say to Hela now, if you had the chance to talk?"

"I'd tell Hela that I'm sorry she didn't feel included in my new hippy.. kind of.. way of life, but it's not my fault she was a fuck up."

"And Thor?"

"I'd tell Thor that I'm sorry I banished him to a desert that time when we argued."

"And Loki?"

"What?"

"Loki?"

"Oh yeah, I'd tell Loki that I'm sorry I kiera knightleyed and dramatically passed out on the stairs when he turned blue. I realise my timing, if convenient for me, was probably not the greatest. Especially from such a great king."

"Well I think that's enough for today."

"And I'd tell.."

"Wait, do you have more kids?"

"What.. no..nevermind."

**Author's Note:**

> Comments welcome. x


End file.
